Thread:Derpmaci/@comment-25002135-20140625042206

For some reason I can't comment directly on your blog. It just tells me that "You cannot add a comment to the article.", so I'll just type up the comment here as if I was commenting on it directly.

Okay, finally got around to commenting on this. Sorry for taking so long, I've been feeling extremely lethargic for the past few days. Still am, actually, but don't mind me.

Anyway, let's get this started.

First, before I go into anything, I have to say that I enjoyed reading it for the most part. Maybe it's just me, but I don't really enjoy reading detailed fight scenes (even if necessary) as I do other things, but it was still well done. So don't mind me if I said that I didn't enjoy it as much, because it's still quite good. Or maybe it's just because the pacing is a little slow? Idk. Hmm.

Nonetheless, there are some grammatical mistakes here and there that show up a number of times. It's not so bad that its unreadable, nor is it bad that it makes me want to stop, but they're still there. I might have missed some myself, but from what I see you forget to add a space after some punctuation, and at least once didn't capitalize the beginning of a sentence.

Also, when Xenon is yelling to the point where there are periods between words, I personally would prefer it if there were spaces after each period. Maybe it was intentionally by you, but I think it might look better, idk.

Using different font and styles for each voice was an interesting decision to make. I'm not entirely the biggest fan of that (if I was, I would be using it myself, lol), but I don't dislike it either. It's probably useful when you have so many other characters in the scene at once, but that leads to another potential problem: Having so many characters on at once can make the scene confusing and difficult to write out. Did you do a good job at it? Actually, you didn't do so bad at all.

On a side note, I found the A/N at the end interesting. xD Although, if even you think some people might get confused, don't you think that section could use some work instead? Just a thought out there. Maybe make it even clearly as to who's saying what, idk.

I won't go into detail and pick every individual mistake I find here, as this is more just a me commenting on the story rather than editing it. But like I mentioned in the chat earlier, it would be great if you could find someone to edit your work. It's a lot easier for a person to look over something new and find mistakes than to look over their own work, especially right after they've finished writing it. Unless they're a genius at writing or something, lol. I would know myself since I'm always missing a few mistakes here and there in my own writing. I wouldn't mind editing it myself, although I don't think I'm that great of an editor, lol.

Anyway, I've gone on long enough. For the most part, even if I went into all this about the grammar and other mistakes, it's not that huge of a deal; it wasn't hard for me to overlook most of them (and believe me, if grammar is bad enough I tend to just stop reading it because I can't take it), so I actually enjoyed reading it. Keep up the good work, I look forward to see what else you have to write.

Huh, that was a lot longer than expected. 