User blog comment:NayrianKnight/Genesis of Hope (Part 10) - Rocky Awakening/@comment-25002135-20150629015450

Well, finally caught up myself. Sorry for taking so long.

Anyway, I have quite a bit to say, so I'll just say it all here.

First, I'm not sure how I feel about learning all this backstory so soon. I suppose it's nice to know early on, but at the same time I would have prefered to learn it over time. Then again, I suppose you're more interested in a later part of the story and just wanted to get the backstory out of the way, but personally I think it could have been handled better.

The premise was actually quite interesting, though—at least, that of Leo summoning someone he's related to and trying to find Draxis, who he's also related to. There's quite a bit that could have been expanded on in my opinion, but before I knew it it was already over and now we just have Leo training for the past few chapters. Maybe some people like this kind of thing, but personally I prefer a bit more of an overarching plot (no, not that kind of plot, you perverts) to follow along. We started out with Leo wanting to find Draxis for training, and that he wants it because he didn't want to waste his potential- so what? I simply don't find myself being drawn into the story yet, other than Draxis' "friend" who is acting rather antagonistic for our main characters. It's not terribly bad writing, mind you, but I'm hoping that you could expand a bit more on the story, at least as time goes on if not now.

Which leads me to another point— it's actually good to see your writing improve as time goes on, so keep that up. Those walls of texts in the first few chapters are a bit harder to read compared to later chapters, and I'm sure you're quite away of that already.

I think that's about it. Regardless, despite all I've said here it's actually not bad so far, so keep up the good work.