User blog comment:The Zero of Faram/Guardians' Peril: Chapter 3/@comment-26403279-20150526204511

Hey there, I made a username and stuff. As usual (hey, I'm a beta reader but I've still got a lot of flaws myself) I'm not good at summing up everything in less than 4 sentences. But anyway: it's great you made the deadline, but remember, you're still beginning. I usually reserve deadlines to the experianced as a challenge, by the way. Your plot is excellent, but you seem to have trouble stating the details. Do yourself a favor, okay? School is ending but it's still pretty stressful. Finish the story in one week, let it sit for the next, and then come back to it. Or simpler, read it out loud when no one is around. Really, really helps. One paragraph sounded a bit rushed- too many sentences started with [person]. A good break for this would be including thoughts between your battle. I'm surprised actually- is this really one of your first fanfic lines? You're actually doing really well. That's all the correction that's needed and even that is shared by some more experianced fanfic writers. On the other hand, since you're progressing this far, I think it's time for your story to hold a quick pause and work on some personality depth to the characters. Again, good job. I really want to see the next part! :D